Britney’s Former Assistant Outs Her

August 15th, 2007 // 12 Comments

Shannon Funk is a bitch! You know she ran to “OK!” and revealed that Britney likes the ladies, and threw her a bone by cannoodling with her soon to be fired assistant ass. Didn’t we know this? Frankly, when you’ve had that many mojitos, you could be licking anybody’s carpet and have no clue what you did the next morning. There was a certain woman at a certain fraternity party that I still need to apologize to for leading her ass on. I was drunk and just wanted to try it. Blech! I love women, but not in that way. Damn. What’s with all the hair in my mouth? Boobies are ok, though. I’m with ya, Brit! We all go to the dark side once in awhile.

A topless Britney Spears got down and dirty in a hotel pool with her former assistant Shannon Funk. The ladies cleared the hotel pool of other guests so they could enjoy kissing and fondling each other. Britney’s wild behaviour followed her topless romping with video extra Matt Encinias in the LA hotel. Britney stripped to just her knickers, hat and shades and partied with pals til 4am. But it was her blonde assistant Britney was really after and the pair ended up in bed together after frolicking in the pool.

A friend said: “Britney seemed more into this girl than she ever has been into a guy. Even though the hunks were hot, Britney made a beeline to cavort with Shannon. She seemed insatiable.

Oh fer chrissakes, it was just one of those things annoying immature teenage girls do when they want to be outrageous. Make out with your best girlfriend, oh look I gave Timmy a boner. Except that this is the behavior of a teenage girl and Britney is the MOTHER OF TWO. Get your ass out of the pool and move to a remote mountaintop getaway. Get to know your kids, and do some gardening. Only come back to L.A. for court dates. Let it die down, crazy bitch! Vanilla Ice is gonna get those kids!

By J. Harvey

  1. T-Bone

    We all know Britney likes women. Big deal. Being a lesbian at heart (like half of the females in Hollywood) isn’t really her problem. Her problem is either an undiagnosed mental health disorder or drug use. Either way, I’m pullin for her, because she’s a nice girl at heart!!!!!!!! Now leave her alone and go pick on someone who deserves it ;)

  2. Angietothemax

    Britney is messed up and will lose her kids. She’s not even trying to put up a good fight for them. She won’t be satisfied until she hits rock bottom but that’s okay because 10 years from now she can make a come back in her autobiography.

  3. Zekers

    I still maintain that it isn’t drugs…I really think she is bi-polar so I don’t know that she is actually capable of controlling herself and being a responsible mom-especially not with her adding alcohol to the mix. Go get help Ms. Spears and let Mr. Stonerline have the boys while you get your head screwed back on right, better yet, take those poor babies to one of their grandparents for safe/sane-keeping…hopefully.

  4. T-Bone

    Well, there are hundreds of thousands of bipolar parents in the world. It’s not reason enough to take away a kid. That would be like telling all depressed people that they shouldn’t have children (like a third of the population). But she does need help. I would love for her to get a psychiatric evaluation and at least try to work on keeping her kids. If she’s mixing drugs with bipolar — yeah — big problems.

  5. Kelly Rummelhart

    Ok, I’m imagining this now it’s like a “white trash” WIld Things, not hot at all . . . what’s next reinacting Indecent Proposal and rubbing white wonder bread all over their naked bodies? BLECH!

    FYI- straight girl on girl action doesn’t always mean lesbian, it’s about as common as a butterfly or dolphin tattoo in the small of your back . . . sadly, I’m 3 for 3 but I swear I did it all 10-15 years ago . . .before I realized everyone else was doing it too! :)

  6. peachpie

    “Being a lesbian at heart (like half of the females in Hollywood) isn’t really her problem.”

    …. it’s not just hollywood. and it’s not just half the females. :)

  7. Zekers

    I know there are thousands of mentally ill parents in the world T-Bone, my point is that she needs step away and get help before she DOES end up hurting her children, more than she (possibly) has already.
    I’m suggesting that she take a “break” from being a mom and get some help; quite possibly Federline is pushing the legal envelope because Britney wouldn’t take other options. Let Mama Spears or Mama Federline have some time with the boys while Britney seeks help and gets stabilized on meds. I’m more convinced then ever that she is ill, simply because she obviously feels she isn’t…typical. I don’t care one way or another about Ms. Spears, just calling it like I see it…

  8. Persistent Cat

    I think the comment is fake. Unless she surrounds herself with (British) English people, it’s not written in North American style english.

  9. T-Bone

    Yeah — honestly, I’m kind of worried about her. I don’t think a whole lot of celebrities (mostly find them completely narcissistic, arrogant and shallow), but there’s something different about her case. She seems like a genuinely nice, somewhat naive person. In addition, unlike her cohorts, she doesn’t seem catty. I’ve never seen her talk trash about others or heard of her talking trash about others, which seems rare for her age group. She came from nothing as well, which automatically sets her above those who had everything handed to them. I don’t know — something about her — she’s whacky but good at heart. I tend to see “good-at-heart” and think differently. I know people think I’m nuts for liking her, but I do. So there. I’m sticking to it;)

  10. Zekers

    T-Bone, Britney doesn’t appear to be the brightest crayon in the box…I think it goes beyond naivety…maybe that’s what makes you feel for her. She tugs at your heartstrings just like orphaned dogs and cats? Not surprising to me that you have a soft spot for her as you appear to be a defender of the underdog(that’s a good thing!)…again, just calling it like I see it.
    I still say she needs to be away from the kids/get to the doctor/take her meds/PRONTO!

  11. lookwhaticando

    Hooking up with some chick is Shitneys least problem, She is insane, and does not need to be solely responsible for thoes poor kids, Karma is a mother, and she is getting ever thing she deserves.

  12. stolidog

    I heard she’s going to star in the remake:
    “Valley of the Baby Fat Dolls”. She’s got the fat and the addictions.

    (and not the mental illnesses…she’s sane, just on drugs)

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