Britney Under New Management

August 6th, 2007 // 8 Comments

Not that it will make much of a difference, I’m sure. Everything she touches these days turns to nasty weave and cowboy boots. However, that didn’t discourage Jeff Kwatinez of The Firm from taking on the daunting task of revamping Britney’s sorely outdated and less-than-sympathetic image. Kwatinez, who was recently let go by Kelly Clarkson, who then chose to enlist the management services of Reba McEntire’s husband and manager, Narvel Blackstock, has decided that he’s feeling confident enough in his management skills to attempt to turn Britney’s career and public persona around. Here’s a good starting point for Kwatinez: Step 1) Keep her in panties. Step 2) Don’t let her shave her legs in hotel pools. Step 3) Hide all the razors and wacky wigs.

Good luck, guy!


By Lisa Timmons

  1. Step 3) Take away her children.

    Step 4) Lock her in the loony bin and throw away the keys.

  2. VIRGO

    Step 1) should be mandatory one year therapy
    step 2) give the kids to someone who is RESPONSIBLE and who dont think it might be so cool to have a baby as she may have thought with the first one..


  3. Jinxy McDeath

    The funniest thing about this entire post: Hillbillies giving advice to fix other hillbillies. Priceless!

  4. dave

    Sick of the old BS..BS. Yawn.
    Since she’s failed miserably at just about everything while on her own, now she has to answer to someone else again. No matter what publicity she gets, who cares?? Another desperate attempt to do anything for attention. Go back to the bayou!

  5. kbcan

    Is she going to listen to him, or is she just going to mainly go ahead doing her own thing? Hopefully she is ready for some guidance.

    Is this sort of like being Britney’s stylist? If she isn’t going to follow their advice, it looks horrible on the manager/stylist.

    Or is she such a disaster case that even if he can’t turn her around, people will just say that it was a hopeless cause anyway, and it really wont wind up being a blemish on his career.

  6. Zekers

    It looks like she has entered her Katie Holmes emulation phase she spoke of awhile back. Only I don’t recall Katie wearing anything with a see-through midriff, exposing her rolls…
    I’m with J., good luck to the new guy! She needs a good therapist AND a good P.R. person-we’ll see…

  7. aw jinky mcdork, how is the air up there on that high horse? dumass.

  8. A Penny in Georgia

    Jinxy, my sentiments exactly. Bet she washes her feet in the toilet and thinks that’s class. Advice for Kwatinez, if you’re eating cereal or soup, don’t put the bowl down. She’ll probably piss in it and then get wacked out trying to flush. Give your two weeks notice now.

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