Britney Spears: Not Drunk, Not High, Just Crazy

How many crappy photos of this ambulance on that particular night are there? Never fear, we’ll run them all! In part three of our expose on how Britney’s main problem is that she’s looney tunes and needs mental health assistance, we reveal to you that apparently Britney tested negative for the prescence of drugs or alcohol last week during Pop Star Meltdown 2008. Everyone assumes she’s on the tina, but maybe not. The only chemicals in question seem to be the ones that are vortexing her brain chemistry. A source says that “this lady is as clean as clean can be, and has been for some time.” And that the rumors of her threatening to off herself as “bullshit”. I guess frappucinnos don’t leave any residue.

Oh, and Dr. (I’ll say it again, Bald Whore) Phil responded to criticism and told the Early Show this morning that Britney’s parents definitely asked him to go see her. Why would they approach some tv goofball and not an actual professional who’s not looking for some ink? Dr. Tool said “I went to see Britney at the request of her family, I talked to [her mother] Lynne, I talked to [her father] Jamie, I talked to Bryan, her brother. They were very frustrated that she apparently wasn’t going to be held for a longer period of time.” We all were. Dr. Phil also reveals that his wife Robin is close with Lynne and that’s how he got involved. And in the middle of “setting the record straight”, he also revealed that he’s been talking to the family about Britney’s problems for almost a year. Is he billing them? For real, I want to see his diploma.

Britney’s Mom obviously has this whole weird celebrity treatment for the cameras thing planned from the beginning. Please keep in mind that Dr. Phil says he spent an hour with Britney in her room and other sources said it was more like 15 minutes of him standing there getting spattered with her blood as she tried to yank her IV out. Judge for yourself who’s truthful in this sitch.