Blow Out: ‘This is all for you Ash’

March 30th, 2006 // 8 Comments

Pappa Antin loves his son, his sister and cuttin’ some hair.

This week Jonathan managed not to shed any tears- however, courtesy of a myriad soundbytes, he did teach us all a lesson or two about the value of family, the true meaning of Hickory Dickory Dock “Whoa man, that’s heav,y” and most notably, the importance of PERFECT… HAIR.

At the salon Jon is bombarded with good fortune : Sundance & new york fashion week, oh my! For his sake, I hope his next product is caffeine-infused pomade – the guy is spread thin, as we could all tell when he taped his eyes open and did a Zombie-esque hairstyling, mouse & jeuje – complete with spirit fingers.

Off to Sundance to sell (out of) Jonathan Product. Jon sings us all a jazzy & tear-jerkin’ Chet Baker meets Johnny Cash version of “itsy bitsy spider” for a nursery rhyme book reading. Celeb cameo: Marlee Matlin – she wants Jonathan to do her hair and he is stoked. She get’s a “whoosh whoosh whoosh,” her friend gets the “Bodiful Wave.” Jon totally hearts Oscar-winner Marlee, “Its all there, complete package – and more importantly, its all about perfect hair.”

Back in LA – in the middle of babing out a client, Jon’s sister calls to ask him to help her pick the next Pussycat Doll for the Las Vegas Lounge. Move over MK&A, the Antins are the newest power siblings, seriously. Jon’s a family man, folks, so with no hesitation, he calls and moves back all his appointments immediately. “I don’t HAVE to go help my sister today, I GET to go help my sister today.”

At the dance studio, Jon manages to only notice the hair on 100 girls writhing in their underwear, scolds the scantily clad ladies for not blow-drying “this is an audition, girls!” and spontaneously busts a few moves on his way out the door.

Back at the salon, Jon jams out to the Pussycat Doll smash, “Don’t Cha” on his cell phone while talking to his sister – who needs Jon to babe out the new Pussycat Doll with “the bomb hair” before her flight to Vegas in an hour. Jon, of course says “ok.” The hair is the bomb, and the show ends – as all quality shows must – with a spontaneous musical number. Jon and the Doll dance down the hallway to his “Don’t Cha” cell phone ring, and all feels right with the world.

Written By Meredith T. White

By Miu von Furstenberg
asl

  1. candycorn

    so after all his bitching about how superior his “product” is, i thought i’d call his bluff and bought some jonathan product at sephora the other day. but i’ll be damned if it isn’t pretty good … could just be the first day after a new shampoo effect, but i was pretty impressed. damnit!

  2. Girly Girl

    I think Jonathan is a whiny bitch. He created this ‘empire’… he hired the agent who got him the Bravo gig and the Sundance festival and Olympus fashion week… and now he goes to therapy and cries like a little girl. Oh wah. STFU, man.

    And I thought it was hilarious that he was like ‘Yeah, I’ll do anything for Robin (his sister) because we’re family.’ and then meanwhile there was like a 3 second shot of him kissing his new baby goodbye so he could whore himself and his product… priorities, man.

    He does pretty hair- which I like- butI think he is totally obnoxious. And a blatant ass-kisser (did anyone else looove how he talked louder and tried to charade his shit out to Marlee Matlin? ROFL)

  3. Rumor

    Darn! I missed this episode, but Bravo will probably be re-running it all week.

    Glad someone liked his product. The last topic, someone said they returned it, that it was no good. People have to try it for themselves, I guess.

  4. Sarah

    I really like this show. I can’t help but think if I watch long enough I’ll see this man completely break into a million little pieces. He’s such a pussy! So L.A. Hard to believe he’s straight. He acts like a bitchy girl.

    One question: Why doesn’t he pay attention to the rug he wears on top of his own head? One minute it’s full, the next it’s almost falling off. I’ve never seen such a tuff of hair float on top of an obviously balding head in my life.

  5. Small Fry

    I spent this entire episode feeling sorry for his baby and girlfriend. He is such a self-centered steaming pile of turd. He leaves his hormonal girlfriend with their new baby so he can go watch some pussy cat skanks shake their disease infested vaginas in his face. If I were Sesse (or whatever the f#ck her name is) I’d leave his ass in a heartbeat.

  6. Books

    Heee – that big-time “agent” Jimmy is the same goober who was supposedly getting the Gastineau hags all their jobs on their show – yeah, he’s a real agent, definitely.

  7. MissNee

    we get it johnathan…you have a kid. now STFU about it.

  8. stephanie

    hi my name is STephanie marquez i’m 24 years old and i have just graduated from AUSTINS SCHOOL OF SPA TECHNOLOGY. ( cosmetology school) I have always been interested in doing hair especially for celebrities. I want to go to california to fill my dreams of working with celebrities but, right know im going to Try to apply down at NYC to hopefully start to get my feet wet and than hopefully move west. I writing you because im wondering if there is a way you could set aside to write or call me and just let me know how you were able to fill the dreams that i would like to do. thank for time : stephanie MArquez

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