Blind Children Mistake Gwyneth Paltrow For Britney as She Reads to Them

The incredibly patriotic Gwyneth Paltrow took time out of her busy hating America and celebrating all things British schedule to read to some brats, according to People. While she was there, some vision-impaired children panicked about not knowing who her ass was and asked if she was Britney! Hah! Britney reads, right *chortle*.

As Paltrow was being introduced as a very special guest, one of the kids piped up: “Is it Britney Spears?” Taking the comment in stride, Paltrow laughed and said, “I’m sorry I’m not Britney Spears, but I’ll work on my dance routine.”

And then work on my Ecstasy, vodka and flashing squirrel routine. Later, after she read the kids “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish”, she lectured them on the evils of the U.S. and urged them all to emigrate to Britain immediately because “there’s a reason everyone hates America you know”.