Bill O’Reilly Has Shown Me The Light

May 24th, 2006 // 6 Comments

I must personally thank Bill O’Reilly. He has shown me the light once again. My frivolous mind strays often from the fair and balance methodology of events facing our world today. What would I do without him?

Today I learned that I should not like the following: The Dixie Chicks, a terrible terrible terrible judge in New Orleans that is soft on crime, and of course the radical left liberals that want open borders.

According to Bill, the Dixie Chicks are putting the United States and its citizens at risk for terrorist attacks by denouncing the presidents and his war strategy. Funny, I thought they were this funky country trio. Little did I know that the Dixie Chicks substitute as terrorist-abiders. Thank you Bill, for showing me the true Dixie Chicks.

Let me not forget about the “Worst Judge Ever”. I couldn’t forget even if I wanted. Bill has infiltrated my mind with bold graphic over Judge Charles Elloie’s picture proclaiming him as the “Worst Judge Ever”. Evidently, Judge Elloie lets terrible terrible terrible criminals out of jail on low bail and espionages the records of felons.

I waited patiently for Bill to give me the hard hitting facts that he is so known for. I got no such thing. I’m still perplexed about what makes this judge different from any other judge that has to make a “judge”ment call? Aren’t there other judges that get it wrong every now and then? Could there be another motive for Bill to fling such vile character branding at this judge? I guess we’ll never find out.


Last but not least, Bill has enlightened us all on the real problem behind the illegal immigration debate – radical left liberals. When all else fails, we can all count on Bill too find blame with the radical left liberals. Here’s a conversation I completely made up with Bill:

Me: Bill, how did you get that dangle waddle on your neck?

Bill: A radical left liberal….looked at me.

Thank you Bill for the fair and balance knowledge you have emitted upon me today. I will now go out into the world and share my insight on the evil Dixie Chicks, the evil Judge Charles Elloi, and the evil radical left liberal. Is there anyone in Bill’s world that doesn’t agree with him and isn’t evil?

In case you have read this whole column and have any doubt…I’m not a Bill O’Reilly sponge.

Written By Michaelene Nordfors

By Miu von Furstenberg
  1. badattitood

    The Dixie Chicks suck but not because that unimagineable tard O’reilly says they do. They just do.

  2. T.

    I think I speak for all Americans, when I thank God for the moral leadership bestowed upon us all by this falafel wielding pervert.

  3. Tilly

    Ms. Norfords you did not disappoint me. I did not think you had the balls to print what I sent you…

  4. YouAreanIdiot

    You’re an idiot. Enough said.

  5. Oh, my

    “Evidently, Judge Elloie lets terrible terrible terrible criminals out of jail on low bail and espionages the records of felons.” Espionages?? You mean expunges?

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