Listen, those are no my words. Those are the words of Rebecca Eaton, executive producer of Masterpiece Theatre, or as I like to call her, professional dream crusher.
While we’ve long suspected that Benedict Cumberbatch has a girlfriend, the news was pretty much confirmed by Rebecca in a recent Page Six story. Apparently, “She wouldn’t say whom the Sherlock actor has met, but she said it’s time for all those ‘Cumberbitches’ — the name used by his huge base of female followers — to move on.”
But he was supposed to marry me and then Benedict, Orlando Bloom and I would have a super inappropriate, torrid love affair! Also, is anyone else impressed that his supposed lady has been so quiet about it herself? Like, if I was dating Benedict, I would 100% be spreading that shit all over my social media platforms.
Then again, maybe that’s why we aren’t dating. Ugh. Next the world is gonna tell me that Tom Hiddleston also has a secret girlfriend and that Orlando and that boring actress really are an item. I can’t deal with his!
Anyway, who do we think this new girlfriend is? Celebitchy is looking at the blonde girl he was hanging out with at the Grand Prix, and I have to agree. Well lady, whoever you are, congratulations. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be over here crying into a pint of Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream and staring at photos of Benedict and Orlando I photoshopped together to help me get through this.