Barron Hilton Won’t Be Needing That Valet

April 9th, 2008 // 2 Comments

Paris Hilton’s dumbass brother Barron pleaded no contest to a DUI charge and got his license suspended for a year as a result. He also received three months of probation and has to take an alcohol education program. Here’s your first lesson: hire a car! You’re rich, dummy!

Barron was pinched on Feb. 12 for driving with a blood alcohol level of .14 — nearly twice the legal limit. He also didn’t have a license on him.

If I had this hammerhead’s money, I’d never DRIVE AGAIN. I’d drive around in a luxurious living room on wheels. Scratch that. I’d have a bed back there to lounge on, and eat chocolate and grapes until I got to my destination! If you have a chauffeur-driven bed on wheels, you can get drunk all you want! And nap! And watch Battlestar Galactica! And entertain frat boys hard up for cash. What?


By J. Harvey

  1. In the know

    FYI: this particular branch of the Hilton family is not as wealthy as they would have you believe…..

  2. mel

    i love taking cabs when i travel for work b/c i know i’ll get paid back for it. town car to the airport? yes, please!

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