Bangers and Mash: Kerry Katona

January 11th, 2008 // 7 Comments

Cheers, mate! And welcome to Bangers & Mash, our new weekly column where we focus in on the drama across the pond in Merrie Ole’ England! Seriously, the UK has as many crazy celebrities as we do. There are some right balmy bitches over there! And we intend to take a little time each week to catch your asses up on the happenings. This week, we’re featuring the current status of Ms. Kerry Katona. Kerry is sort of a Britney-esque figure who’s constantly in the tabloids over there for her many foibles.

She started off in a girl band, then became a television personality, and now writes a column for OK! and does work in commercials. So her star has fallen. She was engaged in a hugely public custody battle (like deja vu!) with her ex-husband and has weathered many complaints that she’s an unfit mom. Mostly because bitch admitted she smoked while pregnant. Now, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the baby is ALWAYS going to turn out bad but Ri-Ri Harvey smoked and I have a head the size of a watermelon and I’m gay AND I make my living writing incredibly shallow copy about incredibly shallow, useless people. You do the math.

Oh, and Kerry recently admitted that she’s done cocaine with her mother. Which is incredibly heart-warming. Seriously, that’s a “Steel Magnolias” moment right there. Did they work the same corner, too? She claims to be clean now. Kerry has managed to hang onto her current job as the face of a supermarket chain, but we will definitely be monitoring her progress. Why? Because she’s the human equivalent of a double decker bus smashing into Parliament! Ta!

Photos: WENN

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. Ms. Hall

    Is she pregnant?

  2. Mr. Hall

    Love that you’ve added this feature! The UK is busting with celebrity loons!

  3. Oh we have lots of nutters here, nice of you to kick off with Kerry the Krackhead Katona who has just been sacked from the “Iceland” frozen food supermarket adverts and is suppose to be broke.

    Her life story is splashed on the magazines and she writes a column for OK magazine (UK) and boring the crap out of us with her bullshit.

    She is one of the most hated female celebs in the UK with I might add some fierce competition.

  4. londoner

    fantastic. kerry katona has been providing good gossiping material over here for a while now. happy to see her introduced on ASL… and yes, she’s pregnant while drinking smoking and snorting away! charming. married to the coke-dealer her mom and she employed (yes they were drugging together)before she well out with her mom but kept the dealer. enchanteé!

  5. rootabega

    i just guffawed out loud at work

  6. Loob

    THAT is the face of supermarket chain? I’m not hungry anymore.

    “Ri-Ri Harvey smoked and I have a head the size of a watermelon and I’m gay AND I make my living writing incredibly shallow copy about incredibly shallow, useless people. You do the math.”

    AHAHA!! Oh, J.Harv! How you rocketh.

  7. Mezza

    Dear Gossip Gurus: … I think you’ll find the Brit slang for ‘crazy’ is spelt ‘barmy’ not ‘balmy’, the latter tends to refer to steamy weather.
    Thanx for all the larffs, i luvs your work i does, guv’na
    Miss Mezza XX

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