Cheers, mate! And welcome to Bangers & Mash, our new weekly column where we focus in on the drama across the pond in Merrie Ole’ England! Seriously, the UK has as many crazy celebrities as we do. There are some right balmy bitches over there! And we intend to take a little time each week to catch your asses up on the happenings. This week, we’re featuring the current status of Ms. Kerry Katona. Kerry is sort of a Britney-esque figure who’s constantly in the tabloids over there for her many foibles.
She started off in a girl band, then became a television personality, and now writes a column for OK! and does work in commercials. So her star has fallen. She was engaged in a hugely public custody battle (like deja vu!) with her ex-husband and has weathered many complaints that she’s an unfit mom. Mostly because bitch admitted she smoked while pregnant. Now, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the baby is ALWAYS going to turn out bad but Ri-Ri Harvey smoked and I have a head the size of a watermelon and I’m gay AND I make my living writing incredibly shallow copy about incredibly shallow, useless people. You do the math.
Oh, and Kerry recently admitted that she’s done cocaine with her mother. Which is incredibly heart-warming. Seriously, that’s a “Steel Magnolias” moment right there. Did they work the same corner, too? She claims to be clean now. Kerry has managed to hang onto her current job as the face of a supermarket chain, but we will definitely be monitoring her progress. Why? Because she’s the human equivalent of a double decker bus smashing into Parliament! Ta!