ASL’s Continuing Coverage of Britney Spears’ Meltdown 2007 Continues…

February 21st, 2007 // 15 Comments

(Splash)

Sorry I haven’t posted anything on Britney for a couple of minutes, I was busy crying and shaving my legs by the pool (?!?). Anyway, as of right now – Britney has fled rehab in Malibu. Allegedly, her credit cards have been frozen by her family so she can’t accquire any more body art. K-Fed isn’t letting her see the kids. He can’t see them either, because that stripper keeps blocking his view. And Britney’s obtained the services of a lawyer famous for bringing suits against paparazzi. Seeing as her accounts are frozen, I’m guessing the lawyer didn’t receive a retainer today. Do you take check?

Oh, and a former nanny is COMPLETELY giving up the scoop .

“Britney didn’t ask me one thing about my child-care experience. She only wanted to know about my personal life.”

“The agency that called me emphasized that Britney was looking for a nanny who was young and hip because they wanted her to interact with people her own age. Basically, Britney wanted a friend.”

“One nanny told me that Britney will hold her kids for 10 minutes and then say, ‘I’m done now. You can take them.’”

I so could have swung a job as her nanny. I think I could have shown up toting Nambla newsletters and a hatchet and she would have handed the kids off to me so she could eat some Little Debbies. Anyway, that’s the scoop for now. Stay tuned as our continuing coverage of Britney Spears’ Meltdown Apocalypse 2007 continues. I’m wearing an electric blue wig!

By J. Harvey
  1. Me

    “K-Fed isn’t letting her see the kids. He can’t see them either, because that stripper keeps blocking his view.”

    You are so damned right J. Harvey. These kids don’t have a snowballs chance in hell. They are the ones to pity. Them and Pam and Tommy Lee’s kids. I can’t wait for the tell all books!!!

  2. “the ones to pity”! no sh1t!

    The Pitt-Jolie kids, the Cruise-Holmes kid, THe SPears-Federline kids, the Anderson-kids, Anna-BabyDaddy kid…that’s going to be one MESSED up bunch!
    (but at least they can all get trashed together)

    J. Harvey…You absolutely KILL ME!!!!!!

  3. Linda

    It’s pathetic the way the sharks are circling Brittany Spears because they are sensing a fresh kill. I was not a fan of hers but I am a carbon based creature with a heart. Everyone needs to lay off her and pray that she gets the help she needs. ASL is starting to hit too hard below the belt by enjoying another human beings obvious suffering way too much. Grow a heart.

  4. jessica

    ONE QUESTION, WELL MAYBE TWO , WHO IS SHE AND WHAT HAS SHE DONE WITH BRITNEY ? JUMPING REHAB TWICE IN ONE WEEK ? THE GIRL IS OBVIOUSLY SUFFERING FROM A MENTAL PROBLEM , THIS IS TO ANYONE READING THAT’S AFFILIATED WITH HER , DO ME A FAVOR AND COMMITT THE GIRL IN A SIMPLE SPYCHIATRIC WARD IN THE HOSPITAL , SHE WONT BE ABLE TO BAIL OUT THERE AND SHE’LL GET THE HELP SHE NEEDS AND MAYBE THIS WHOLE CIRCUS WITH HER WILL END BECAUSE IM TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT IT.

  5. The NAMBLA line made me spit wine all over my keyboard.

  6. Ali

    I agree with Linda. We assume that a person with good looks and wealth should dress chanel, look fabulous, be happy and behave appropriately. Meanwhile there is a perverse pleasure in witnessing how trashy and derailed these allegedly rich “fab” girls are. We should just have pity and respect people’s feelings and choices.

  7. “I think I could have shown up toting Nambla newsletters and a hatchet and she would have handed the kids off to me so she could eat some Little Debbies.”

    Hahaahhaha!

    Freaking hilarious.

    Her life is super wack.

    Later,
    Tom

  8. Deb

    With her hat and wig, she reminds me of A Clockwork Orange. Le sigh. Another poor little rich white trash girl story. On the serious tip, for the sake of her kids, I hope she gets the help she needs. And Mr. J. Harvey…you so funny!

  9. desertboy

    “respect her choices”!!! u r funnier than J Harvey. Her choices: ta da… She chose to have 2 kids that she chooses to ignore and she chose to flash her pufnstuff to the ‘razzi so they can take pix of it. Oh yeah. She has totally earned our respect.

  10. Loob

    “He can’t see them either, because that stripper keeps blocking his view.”

    That was hilarious! I love you J. Harvey! :D

  11. EraserFan

    Hey Jessica! Way to write in all capitals. Nigerian 419 scammers everywhere are jealous of your post.

    DEAR KINDLY CONTRIBUTOR:
    A DEAR RELATIVE OF YOURS HAS DEAD IN TRAJIC ACCIDENT ON HIGHWAY IN ACCRA-GHANA. HE/SHE HAS 14,782,000 DOLLARS (USD) IN A BANK ACCOUNT. I AM HIS BARRISTER. PLEASE RESPOND TO COLLECT YOUR MONEY OF WHICH I WILL TAKE 10%

  12. celia

    i agree that the paparazzi are hounding her.

    she is a multimillionaire who lives in a mansion. she does not need to leave her house unless she choses to. she can have all services delivered to her. she certainly does not need to go out in an electric blue wig — unless of course she is desperate to attract paparazzi attention. go Kevin!!!!!

  13. Tonysgirl

    I , agree with desertboy on earning our respect, what a joke that is….lol

    If she would have stayed home and been a mother to her two sons and a responsible adult who would take care of her children, before going out partying all night long everyday then maybe she would have OUR RESPECT.(maybe)

    as the saying goes Respect is earned!!!!

  14. Jinxy McDeath

    Can someone tell me how the people (her family) who have mooched off her since she was a child, cut off her funds and credit cards? It’s a world gone crazy.

    J Harvey, don’t ever change and by change I mean shave your head and wear cheap wigs and tardoriffic hats as a disguise. Very funny article!

  15. margaretta

    Perhaps there is a double-wide rehab facility she can relate to?
    You know, some ‘down home’ type of place with hush puppies and orange pop to replace the hard stuff.
    A TV with rabbit ears? On top of another TV? Y’all get the picture?

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