Angelina Opens Her Goddess Lips and Speaks – Sending the Earth Into Spasms of Joy

November 17th, 2006 // 5 Comments

The most beautiful woman in the world is snapping back at the global press for all the f*ckarow about her bodyguards beating the piss out of people.

According to People:

Indian police detained three of the actress’s bodyguards on Friday after parents complained the men had manhandled them and their children at an Islamic school in Mumbai where Jolie was filming a scene for A Mighty Heart.

Mohammed Yusuf Patni, general secretary of the Anjuman-e-Islam school’s Parent Teacher Association, told the Associated Press, “This Jolie’s bodyguard called one parent, ‘You bloody Indian.’ ”

In her statement, Jolie said, “As for this horrible rumor that someone referred to a local man as a ‘bloody Indian,’ let me say this: I would never work with anyone that was derogatory towards another man’s race. My family is of mixed race.”

I don’t know what all this fuss is about. Angelina is the most exquisite creature to ever walk the face of the earth. Anyone trespassing against her should be immediately disemboweled and their head hung upon a pike to deter any more of the great unwashed from trying to stand in her beautiful and glorious presence. God, I hope she adopts me someday.

I would say that the real controversy is that snarly-looking wig they’re making her wear. Marianne Pearl’s hair is a lot hotter than that. But this is a serious film about a horrible international incident so I really didn’t just boil it down to wig choice. Forget you saw that.

Written by J. Harvey

Angelina Jolie Speaks Out About Bodyguard Arrests [People]

(Splash News Online)

By Miu von Furstenberg

  1. jannre

    I think they should have put Vagalina in a jail cell along side her thugs, those guys have been out of control for quite a while…she has done nothing..she didn’t even apologize to the kids they knocked around..she had a press conference and blamed it on the media..took no responsibility at all..bitch

  2. peachpie

    Hey, Angie… we have orphans here in America, too. But adopting one of THEM wouldn’t be nearly as cool, would it?

  3. peachpie

    She won’t be adopting you, my pet. Unfortunately, you were born in America. We don’t have any abandoned, poor, sad children here in need of a family. Oh wait! YES WE DO! But what super-rich glob trotting celebrity couple would be caught dead doing something as “common” as adopting a child from their own country.

  4. SeaNymphette

    I’ve no sympathy for the fans or paparazzi who constantly harangue these stars and invade any modicum of privacy they have. Rabid fans don’t even allow them to sit down at a restaurant and have a family meal, without interruption, while they’re eating. Its disgusting, ridiculous, and completely without manners, class, or respect. I’d instruct my bodyguards to keep the vultures at bay as well. Remember Patricia Schaeffer? Another thing, I don’t get this poorly disguised racism inherent in your resentment of the foreign adoptions. Stop being politically correct and ask what you really want to ask? Why didn’t she adopt a white child? Shes a Unicef and United Nations Ambassador. Its is a natural progression of her mission of peace to adopt from a foreign country and promote global integration. She adopted in the 3rd world countries that the “Tomb Raider” films were set in, having spent a lot of time and money (charitable donations) in them. Perhaps she is trying to help in places that are enormously poorer than even the poorest American can conceive of? If you had ever been to them, you would understand that without the welfare systems or foodbanks that homeless Americans rely on, people resort to eating dirt (Kaolin clay) and drinking their own urine. “Poor” is a relative term when it comes to comparisons between our country, the richest in the world, and Africa or Southeast Asia. Not many American children die with the albino hair and pot bellies of malnutrition.
    Do you get it yet? Why don’t you people ever complain when charitable people feed the hungry or adopt the orphans of Bosnia or Russia? Oh, I forgive me, Bosnian and Russians are white.

  5. SeaNymphette

    Admit it, there is nothing this woman could do to redeem herself in your eyes, no matter how selfless, generous, and altruistic because you are consumed with wealth envy. Green is the color of envy as well as money, and she is too pretty and rich to ever be perceived as anything but but a demon by any of you. No matter how much good she does in the world, you’ll twist it into evil.

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