Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Didn’t Get Married, Return Your Gifts

March 30th, 2008 // 4 Comments

Photos: WENN

Star magazine was saying that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie made their dark union official in a church wedding in New Orleans on Saturday. This is interesting because they previously vowed to never marry until everyone in this country could. Meaning the homos. A source is saying there was “no wedding.”

The Most Beautiful Woman In The World and her consort were supposedly still in Texas when this wedding took place. Brad is filming Tree of Life there with Sean Penn.

Recent reports have said that Angie is having a tough time being pregnant with twins. So the last thing she probably wants to do is stuff herself into a wedding dress. She just wants to lay around in a bathrobe all day and laugh at Friends reruns and think about how she made Rachel Green’s life a living hell. In her defense, the bathrobe is made of organic materials woven by the orphans of Guatemala and every bathrobe bought gets them a new well of something. She’s already on her way to adopting all of them unless she actually gives birth to them. That’s one special bathrobe.

By J. Harvey

  1. Orphan Lover

    Ouch, not the innocent orphans of Guatemala waiting for American families to be able to adopt them once again!! That hit a nerve!!

  2. mitas

    Why does Brad look like he’s dressed to star in a remake of a cheesy 1970′s porn movie ?

  3. WW

    These two need to go away. Seriously. Fade away into the woodwork like JA has. B’bye.

  4. devil

    Lucky for the unborn babies that they can’t inherit any of AJ’s current facial features, which are all fake.

    Brad just continues to lose more and more of his own identity, doesn’t he?

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