An Emaciated Actress And A Martha Stewart Wannabe

January 16th, 2006 // 26 Comments

Let’s get those brains working. The first one is pretty easy.

Which emaciated actress was grinding her teeth so hard while presenting at the National Board of Review Awards that the crowd was making bets how much booger sugar she had loaded up on before the ceremony? (Source: Gatecrasher)

Which would-be Martha Stewart, who tried to steal the domestic diva’s crown while she was in the clink, has hit hard times? She’s not paying her bills and is laying off staff. (Source: Gatecrasher)

And from Page Six:

Which pop-singing sensation likes to troll the Internet for gay quickies? After one unsafe session, his homo hook-up contacted a tabloid to sell his sordid story and offered a DNA-encrusted washcloth as proof. If the truth comes out, the singing idol’s fans, mostly middle-aged housewives, will be very upset . . .

Which Oscar-winning actor is repeatedly unfaithful? He sleeps around so much, it’s taking a toll on his long-suffering wife, a former beauty now looking stressed-out . . .

By Miu von Furstenberg

  1. Jess

    The first one is DEFINATELY Nicole Ritchie. Poor crackhead.

  2. J9

    Is she even considered an actress these days?

  3. I don’t think it’s Nicole Richie — she’s not an actress, really, and was she presenting at that National Board of Review thing?

    #3 is Clay Aiken or Ricky Martin.

  4. Lulu

    I´d quess the #1 is Scarlett Johansen. She got that Lóreal campaign recently and said something about the company celebrating independent women.

  5. kelly

    number 3 is definitely clay aiken. you can tell by the last line. American Idol and 90% of his fans are “middle-aged housewives”.

  6. Josephine

    i don’t think Scarlett is considered “emaciated”. how about selma blair? chloe sevigny? maggie gyllenhaal?

    i’m guessing Rachel Ray for the would-be Martha.

    and they hit us over the head with the fact that the last one is Clay Aiken.

  7. starrz

    Number 1# can’t be scarlett, she isn’t emaciated, its proabbly lindsey lohan, three is def clay, and im thinking 2 might be rachael ray, fromt he fod network and for the 4th im thinking russel crowe?

  8. Lulu

    Sorry about that Scarlett thing…misread the emaciated part (emancipated)!

  9. Emaciated actress at the NBR awards? I vote Felicity Huffman.

  10. sharona333

    How bored am I…I actually googled the nat’l review board awards to see if i could figure out number 1. The only female presenters mentioned were rosie perez and joan allen, neither of whom i’m guessing are the targets of this item.

    For the last one I was wondering if it was either Catherine Zeta Jones or maybe Annette Bening?

  11. MJ

    No way is that Rachel Ray… She’s got like a best selling book and a bunch of successful shows on the Food Network. Plus, she’s married to a rich attorney. No way, keep thinking.

  12. carolinacutie

    No way the first is Scarlett. She’s not skinny.

    I agree with guesses of Rachel Ray and Clay Aiken for the next two.

    I’m thinking the last one might be Michael Douglas/Catherine Zeta-Jones?

  13. lisa

    #4 Denzel Washington and his wife Pauletta

  14. jagexpress

    The Unfaithful Oscar Winning Actor that is Unfaithful is Denzel Washington – he’s been Sanaa Lathan for a long time … Paulette’s finally freaking out!

    The Emaciated Actress .. Gees … I hate to admit it looks like Felicity Huffman may be snorking it … I wasthced Desperate Housewives again this weekend … noticed her jaw is getting tighter each episode … Remember when Chandler got on the snow candy … it became really noticable in the episodes … Sure looks like she’s partaking though …

    Would Be Martha? Sandra Lee I would think … Maybe Paula Dean??

  15. Brian

    The second one could be Katie Brown.She did have her own show for about 5 min. and was popping up on the morning shows doing the whole “Martha” thing while Martha was “on vacation”
    The third one pretty much has to be Clay Aiken.

  16. FamousTo0

    i have a feeling the emaciated actress is Ellen Pompeo from Grey’s Anatomy.. she has the same nicole richie figure

  17. 1. Joan Allen or Ellen Pompeo – both of them could use a cheeseburger
    2. Not sure…what was that chick’s name, Katie Brown
    3. Clay Aiken definitely
    4. Not Denzel and Pauletta (she was never really a beauty); it’s Russel Crowe, cause Danielle Spencer’s been looking a hot mess since they got married

  18. Lesley

    CLAY AIKEN, hands down…gross.

  19. jj

    I think #1 is Amanda Peet. There are pictures of her online there and she lookes a little crazed. Plus she was pretty concinving in igby goes down

  20. Yo Mama

    Ok for the cheating actor– Russell Crowe or Sean Penn or John Travolta, right? Probably not John Travolta though.

  21. Veronica M.

    I think the would-be-Martha is Kathy Hilton. I remember watching an “Extra” special about her trying to become the “next Martha stewart” while Martha was in the clinker.

  22. Tasannie

    #1 – I wouldn’t have a clue as I haven’t done as much searching as Sharona333.

    #2 – I was wondering about Kathy Hilton, but then again, she probably never paid her bills.

    #3 – has to be Clay

    #4 – can’t be Russel, says “long suffering wife”. Now Daniel had been on and off with Russel for a number of years and could qualify, but I don’t think it’s her. And did Travolta ever win an Oscar? I’m going with Warren Beatty and Annette Benning. She’s been looking a tad tired lately…not that she doesn’t have the right to!

  23. starla


    1-not sure.
    2-have no idea.
    3-I have to go with Aiken too, dead giveaway, mentioning ‘idol’.
    4-Sean Penn? Tom Hanks?

  24. Kim

    So what the hell is the answer?

  25. Jive

    3. Clay
    4. Denzel


  26. Hello??! Of course the first one is Lindsay Lohan, emaciated actress who else??? Nicole Richie hasn’t acted as far as I know. Yea and she also confessed to Vanity Fair that she had ‘taken drugs, but we won’t go into that’ or something along those lines….

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