American Idol: Smug Triumphs

May 22nd, 2008 // 11 Comments

Photos: WENN

What? How could I have been so f*cking wrong? I was POSITIVE that preschooler David Archuleta had this in the bag. The audience loved him, the judges loved him, and David Cook has had this look on his face for the past three weeks that read “god, I am so much better than the rest of these twats.” But no, David Cook is your new American Idol.

David Archuleta better put an encyclopedia down the back of his pants, because Daddy’s getting the switch! No, I really know someone who used to do that before their Dad would show up to beat them. Seriously, I’m shocked that Preschooler Daddy didn’t pull out a gun from under his scalley cap and start firing.

Does Paula always hug Simon when the winner is announced? She probably was just trying to keep her balance because she’s wasted.

Why didn’t God give Melinda Doolittle a neck?

Seriously – David Cook’s ass is smug.

Photos: Getty Images

20 more photos from the American Idol Finale arrivals (Paula Abdul, David Hernandez, ZZ Top, Fantasia Barrino, Michael Johns, Reuben Studdard, Teri Hatcher, Sanjaya Malakar, Carrie Underwood, Blake Lewis, Summer Glau, Thomas Dekker, Bo Bice, Melinda Doolittle, Jerry Springer, Hayley Scarnato, Brandon Rogers, Justin Guarini, Chikezie, Jason Castro, Jordin Sparks, Constantine Maroulis) after the jump.

Photos: Getty Images

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. Zekers

    S_M_G called it J. Harvey!

    ZZ Top is flipping off the camera!!! I couldn’t believe they agreed to do American Idol-I was shocked.

    I watched until they had that weirdo-cast-off with the pimp suit doing whatever that was-that did me in…

    Personally, I used to put on about 8 pair of underwear when I knew I was going to get whipped-the encyclopedia would have been too obvious…

  2. sexyback

    Agreed. David Cook is a smug-ass, pretentious, douche.

  3. peachpie

    yep, smug & pretentious about covers it. but i sure am glad that little archuletta twit didn’t win. i couldn’t bear to listen to his whine for the next year; not to mention daddy’s antics. maybe daddy archie should hook up with dina lohan. ha!

    and that cook/zztop performance was off the f*ckin’ hook. i may be forced to download it. *grimace*

    and sadly, george michael… well … ain’t what he used to be. gotta give him credit for keepin’ on keepin’ on, though. with all he’s been in the press for, i’d have kept my shamed ass in my hall closet whilst sewing scarlet A’s (or P’s for public penile perversion?) on all my clothes.

  4. S_M_G

    Thanks Zekers :-)) I knew it! For the first time since Kelly Clarkson someone I wanted to win won, it is quite unsettling, I’m not used to it :PP

    I don’t think David Cook is smug. He just looks that way :-)

  5. maxpurr9

    i see randy’s rockin’ the ‘captain kangaroo’.

  6. Carolina Girl

    I truely enjoyed the show. But I thought Lil’ David had won last night until the end. Simon’s apology should have told us all something.

  7. Kelly

    I’m glad Cook won. He’s more talented. I am surprised though. And Archuleta sings well, but he’s kind of boring. He seemed to sing the same boring songs every week. I just think he’s kind of young, and just not as experienced as Cook. He’ll be successful still.

    And the Guitar Hero commercials!!! HIGHlarious! (Cook’s was better. Archuleta was wearing boxer shorts!)

  8. S_M_G

    I like Archuletta too. They shouldn’t let 16 year olds compete. He is too young.

  9. Louise7

    Melinda Doolittle look gorgeous. Melinda will released her first album at the end of the summer. I can’t wait for it. If you want more info and want to support her in her career new website http://www.mdstreetteam.com, You are very welcome to join us

  10. Louise7

    Good news for you Melinda Doolittle fans! She’s set to release her debut album titled, Coming Back to You on Hi-Fi Recordings in January 09. Produced by Grammy-nominated producer Mike Mangini (Joss Stone, Run DMC, The Jonas Brothers), Coming Back to You was recorded with a team of live musicians in Nashville and New York City.

    The first single, “It’s Your Love” will be released to radio in October.

    Keep you update about Melinda career at http://www.melindasbackups.com

    melindasbackups.com is a web site owned by Melinda Doolittle. Melinda’s Backups(TM) is a non-profit supportive association inspired by Melinda and authorized by her to operate this web site on behalf of her fans.

  11. Louise7

    Good news for you Melinda Doolittle fans! She’s set to release her debut album titled, Coming Back to You on Hi-Fi Recordings in January 09. Produced by Grammy-nominated producer Mike Mangini (Joss Stone, Run DMC, The Jonas Brothers), Coming Back to You was recorded with a team of live musicians in Nashville and New York City.

    The first single, “It’s Your Love” will be released to radio in October.

    “Keep yourself updated with Melinda’s career at melindasbackups.

    melindasbackups.com is a web site owned by Melinda Doolittle. Melinda’s Backups(TM) is a non-profit supportive association inspired by Melinda and authorized by her to operate this web site on behalf of her fans.

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