American Idol: Smug Triumphs

Photos: WENN

What? How could I have been so f*cking wrong? I was POSITIVE that preschooler David Archuleta had this in the bag. The audience loved him, the judges loved him, and David Cook has had this look on his face for the past three weeks that read “god, I am so much better than the rest of these twats.” But no, David Cook is your new American Idol.

David Archuleta better put an encyclopedia down the back of his pants, because Daddy’s getting the switch! No, I really know someone who used to do that before their Dad would show up to beat them. Seriously, I’m shocked that Preschooler Daddy didn’t pull out a gun from under his scalley cap and start firing.

Does Paula always hug Simon when the winner is announced? She probably was just trying to keep her balance because she’s wasted.

Why didn’t God give Melinda Doolittle a neck?

Seriously – David Cook’s ass is smug.

Photos: Getty Images

20 more photos from the American Idol Finale arrivals (Paula Abdul, David Hernandez, ZZ Top, Fantasia Barrino, Michael Johns, Reuben Studdard, Teri Hatcher, Sanjaya Malakar, Carrie Underwood, Blake Lewis, Summer Glau, Thomas Dekker, Bo Bice, Melinda Doolittle, Jerry Springer, Hayley Scarnato, Brandon Rogers, Justin Guarini, Chikezie, Jason Castro, Jordin Sparks, Constantine Maroulis) after the jump.

Photos: Getty Images