‘American Horror Story Coven’ Season Finale Recap: ‘The Seven Wonders’

January 31st, 2014 // Leave a Comment

Queue the Stevie Nicks track, bitches.

On the season finale of FX’s American Horror Story Coven, the last few witches left in this shambles of a coven proceed with performing the seven wonders. Each of them must prove they can complete all the tasks before any one of them will be named the next supreme. For now, Stevie just wanders around the joint revving everyone up like the ultimate life coach.

There was of course, one little problem. Fiona isn’t as dead as everyone assumed.

So the games began. First it was telekinesis, moving some candlesticks from one side of the table to the other. Next up, concilium. Misty made Queenie slap herself while Queenie made Misty pull her own hair. Madison and Zoe squared off, but Madison made Kyle kiss her and lick her boots instead. Zoe then controlled him into kissing her. The fight between these two has gotten super annoying. Next up, the women had to visit their own personal hell in an out of body experience. Queenie’s was the fried chicken shack, Zoe’s was a breakup with Kyle over and over, Madison’s was starring in a terrible television musical, while Misty’s was having to kill a frog in science class and bring it back to life forever. She couldn’t break free from it and became dust, despite Cordelia’s best efforts to bring her back. LAME. Misty Day was the coolest bitch there, but whatever.

After that was transmutation, where the girls played tag all around the yard. They were happy and carefree, as if Misty Day weren’t even dead. Super classy, ladies. But oops, Zoe sucks at tag and impales herself on the top of the gate. Queenie tries to bring her back, but fails. When Myrtle and Cordelia demand that Madison bring Zoe back to life, she claims she doesn’t need to in order to prove herself. She thinks she is the supreme and should bow down to no one.

Cordelia decides to step up to the plate. For divination Delia found Mimi DeLongpre’s broach no problem, but Madison couldn’t match her and decided to leave the coven. While she was packing her bags, Kyle came into the room and strangled her to death for leaving Zoe a corpse. Madison tells him that she loves him right before she dies and for a second you do have to feel badly for the girl. She was gang raped, brought Kyle back to life only to fall in love with him and watch him love Zoe instead. She is replica of Fiona in mind, body, and spirit, only to be killed by her own supreme and then brought back to life and ordered to prove herself as the rightful heir.To end her woeful tale, the person she loves most ends up killing her and giving her body back over to that creep, Spalding.

Delia brings Zoe back no problem. Then Fiona’s daughter becomes the new supreme. Her eyes are restored, her hair is gorgeous, her makeup is flawless, and she is so bold that she goes on national news and invites witches from around the country to join the academy. Myrtle demands that the coven sentence her to be burned at the stake, because now that she has done her job of helping Delia take the lead, she needs to die for killing the old council members. Before being lit to flames she yells, “Balenciaga!”

Delia makes Zoe and Queenie council members. Right as they are going to let the new students into the house, Fiona shows up balding, cancerous, and dying. She tricked the axeman to believe he had killed his one true love. But now she has no power to face her own daughter, to defeat her predecessor. Delia has compassion on her mother and holds her until she dies. Afterward, Fiona is condemned to an eternity stuck in a backwoods cabin with the axeman day after day, by none other than Papa Legba.

The new coven opens the doors and greets the newest witches to the fold. What did you think of this season of American Horror Story? How does it compare with previous seasons? Let us know in the comments!

By Chelsi Archibald

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