‘American Horror Story Coven’ Recap: ‘The Replacements’

Emma & Evan PDA
The Two Costars Get Affectionate On Set
Some people need to get laid!

And although we know that Zoe is not one of them, apparently neither is Nan. She is reeling the boys in with delectable butter cake and a bit of wink eyed charm.

But things are a bit different for the virgin Queenie who meets the minotaur from LaLaurie’s house who is sent by Marie Laveau and she decides to make the most of things by saying hello to her lady parts. And yet, that wasn’t the weirdest thing that happened on this week’s episode of FX’s American Horror Story Coven.

Fiona is especially worried about aging and raids the liquor cabinet in the middle of the night because she can’t sleep. She remembers back to when she replaced the last supreme witch. Her mentor Annaleigh was more kind and responsible so Fiona slit her throat in order to take her place. Spalding the butler witnessed the entire thing and is either a mute or has had his tongue cut out.

When a new hot dude moves in next door, Nan and Madison go to visit him. He isn’t interested in Madison at all and loves Nan for her butter cake and charm. But Madison is jealous and when the kid’s mom steps in she throws a butcher knife at her and starts the living room curtains on fire. The mom freaks out and brings the good book over to the academy to let Fiona know that shit won’t fly. Fiona recognizes that Madison is probably the new supreme and decides to mentor her.

LaLaurie has been assigned by Fiona to be the slave to Queenie, which she especially hates because she is super racist. However, when Marie Laveau sends LaLaurie’s Minotaur over to torment her, Queenie cuts Delphine’s hand and lures the bull head into the greenhouse out back. She relates to the beast and in an attempt to bond she begins pleasuring herself, which due to her voodoo doll powers pleasures the minotaur as well. Basically, it was super weird and creepy.

Zoe visits Misty Day to pick up her frankenstein monster Kyle. Can we point out how damned cool Misty Day is, despite her borderline psychotic streak? Just a damn poster girl for the hipsters at Coachella. She has healed Kyle’s scars to almost nil and even though she begs the two to stay for dinner, Zoe takes Kyle home to his mother. Zoe visited her earlier just in time to stop her from killing herself from the grief of her son’s death. Zoe hopes that by taking Kyle to his mom, his old brain will restore and he will be back to normal.

The problem of course is that Kyle’s mom has been severely molesting and sexually abusing him his entire life. She notices right away that his body is different, that it is made up of parts of different men. To prove this she seduces him again, throwing his zombie brain into shame city. He copes with this by saying his first monster word, “No!” and then bashes her brains in with a sports trophy. Zoe goes to Kyle’s house to see his mother’s body and is confronted by him. We won’t know the outcome of this debacle until next week.

Cordelia goes to see Marie Laveau to have her perform a fertility spell. Marie refuses because she is at war with Fiona and Cordelia is heartbroken. Meanwhile, Madison and Fiona have brunch where the old biddy let’s her know that she is the next supreme. They go out for the night and get attention from guys, but when they get home Fiona admits that she has cancer and is dying. While Madison’s power grows in strength, Fiona’s powers weaken. She tells Madison about killing Annaleigh and then slits Madison’s throat. She tells Spalding to bury the body deep in the ground. But I think it’s safe to assume Madison isn’t dead just yet.