‘American Horror Story Coven’ Recap: ‘The Dead’ Features An Epic Zombie Threesome

November 21st, 2013 // 1 Comment
American Horror Story Coven

Well, that was weird.

In the latest episode of FX’s American Horror Story Coven, two undead people and a powerful witch with a killer vagina got it on, zombie style. But let’s not forget, there was another side plot that made us feel even more uncomfortable.

Fiona and the Axeman flirted, played hard to get, boned, and creeped everyone right the hell out with their witch and ghost shenanigans.

There are really no rules in this season of American Horror Story. Several dead characters are back in the world of the living and subsequently screwing shit up royally. First there is LaLaurie, who is making things weird by trying to ignore the fact that she was once the worst person EVER. Then Kyle the FrankenMonster, who apparently wants to communicate that he is mentally jacked from his former life, but is unable to vocalize this to Zoe. Then Madison, who doesn’t seem to mind anything now that she is living again and numbing away any former memories. And the Axeman, whom Zoe let loose into society and is now bumping uglies with Fiona. Gross.

But let’s focus on the fact that Kyle is a somewhat too good to be true character and the writers haven’t made this truly believable by giving us any dialogue or further character development outside of an ass shot. He was a saint in his former life, wanting to become an engineer and avoiding tattoos so he could better design the levees in New Orleans and save future lives. Now he has two tattoos from the arm and leg of his former frat buddies, limbs sewn together in shame. And he has no way of articulating his virtue or the abuse he suffered from his mother. Zoe grabs a handgun and decides to end his suffering, but he stops her.

Madison wants to feel something, but she doesn’t. And she relates to Kyle on this notion. Cordelia asks to speak with Zoe after she bumps into Madison and sees with her third eye that the girl was killed by her mother Fiona. She tells Zoe that she believes her to be the supreme and if Fiona finds out she is as good as dead. And just like that, after years of putting up with Fiona’s bullshit Cordelia magically decides to kill her and begins to hatch a plan. When Zoe returns to her bedroom Kyle is banging Madison up against the wardrobe, bare ass naked. No viewers will complain about this, I am certain. And we now understand why Evan Peters and Emma Roberts are dating in real life.

Madison feels pretty badly about taking Zoe’s man so she does what any loving witch sister might do, she invites Zoe to join the sex party. And Zoe does join and her killer vagina can’t kill the frankenmonster’s penis or cause his head to implode. And all is well in zombie threesome sex land.

Fiona and the Axeman go to an apartment and have some bourbon while he woos her and tell her all about her amazing beauty. She realizes that he murdered the former tenant of the apartment, but isn’t bothered and after attempting to leave she sleeps with him anyway. In the morning he reveals that he is the axeman, a dude that has been spiritually trapped in her bedroom as she grew up living at the academy. He watched her and lusted after her from childhood onward. Now that he is free he wants to be with her forever. It will be interesting to see how Fiona gets out of this mess.

Queenie and LaLaurie go to grab some grub at a local burger joint after Madison binge eats all the food in the academy. The two seem to bond, but the next day Queenie goes to see Marie Laveau and laments that she doesn’t fit in at the academy. Did anyone notice that Nan was M.I.A. this episode? Boo! Anyway, Marie tells Queenie that she will never belong with the white witches and urges her to bring LaLaurie over to them and join the Voodoo coven.

Queenie confronts LaLaurie and asks her about the worst thing she has ever done. LaLaurie tells a story about how her husband impregnated a slave girl and she gave birth to a baby boy. LaLaurie admits to killing the baby and using his blood to create her youth face remedy, causing the slave girl to hang herself. As a nice gesture, LaLaurie buried the child with his mother. Totally messed up, right?

(I think the really messed up thing here is that this season seems racially charged with no lesson in sight. What are the writers of AHA trying to say about racism in contemporary New Orleans and what’s the end game? Do they plan on resolving these issues and giving viewers a template for unity, equality, and overcoming hatred and fear? I doubt it. Instead, they seem to be playing off people’s pain and capitalizing on a terrible history of violence, slavery, and murder. These are shameful things that happened to real people and shouldn’t be fodder for exploitation in the name of spooky television. But this is merely my own opinion.)

Because of the horrific revelation of LaLaurie’s past, Queenie turns her over to Marie who tortures her and uses her blood as a youth remedy. Again, I think it’s insulting that they are portraying an important historical figure like Laveau in such a bad light. But hey, as long as it’s entertaining, right? At the very least, I’ve gotta give major props to Angela Bassett for her acting, despite the purely ridiculous nature of it all.

By Chelsi Archibald
asl

  1. I was totally like WTF when watching this episode last night. I know it’s the job of TV writers to surprise and keep viewers entertained but I was definitely entertained in an awkward and uncomfortable way last night. First of all, I was so tired of Zoe being confused, either she wanted Kyle or she didn’t..Madison is just a skank and does what she wants and what in the world were they thinking when they showed Fiona and the Axeman??? So gross…old people need love too I guess. Oh, and Zoe was never innocent.

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