Amazing Snippets From Snooki’s Book

Admitting that she’s only read two books in her whole life, Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi was bound to give us a literary masterpiece in her first novel entitled A Shore Thing. Yes, it’s already that punny. And now for some amazing quotes…

  • “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”
  • “Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”
  • “Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”
  • “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”
  • “Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn’t nearly as gritty and disgusting as she’d seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank — on a weekday afternoon — was as clean and quiet as a church.”
  • “I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”

Eat your heart out Bronte sisters. Fuck yourself Steinbeck. Drown yourself AGAIN, Virginia Woolf. This is going to be a piece of work to withstand the ages. Meaning it will litter landfills across this nation for epochs.