Alli Sims Steps Up Her Master Plan

July 30th, 2007 // 14 Comments

It’s all coming together for this chick. Phase One is now complete! Britney’s cousin and former assistant has updated her website with a new pic and a bio and..A SONG! Now, don’t toss me out of the fag’s union but I’ve never actually seen “Les Miserables”. That’s what this song is from I guess. Some French guy steals a loaf of bread and tragedy ensures? I don’t have time to hit Wikipedia. The boyfriend loves that mess. Anyway, she’s rocking this tune as badly as you think she would. I have nothing to compare it to, but I think that big stripper choker she keeps wearing in the pics could sing better. Judge for yourself.

p.s. She doesn’t mention Britney in her bio. She needs to walk a fine line, if ya know what I’m sayin’.

By J. Harvey

  1. stolidog

    a failed fag.
    who hasn’t seen le mis for god’s sake?

  2. Dathu

    I don’t agree… the song is cute and completely distinct of britney’s work !!

  3. Persistent Cat

    Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, please please please post picture #3. It’s hi-larious. It’s like Xena meets…. oh God, words fail me. Please post it. I want to read how others mock it.

  4. Persistent Cat

    Oh yeah, the song is pretty bad. But can’t you just picture her taking it so seriously, concentrating and taking deep breaths, a single tear rolling down her cheek while she does that Celine Dion/Christina Aguilera hand flailing.

  5. Loob

    There’s so much rampant airbrushing there on her official photo, and yet it still looks weird and craptastic. If she’s gonna go that fake why not make it pretty, too?

  6. Persistent Cat


  7. Gina

    Oh good GOD. She really really REALLY sucks. HARD. Grossy. She’ll never make it. EVER.

  8. Betheny

    Hetero housewife here. You need to listen to your boyfriend on this one, Les Mis is excellent. Miss Former Assistant didn’t do it justice but I’ve heard worse from her former boss.

  9. shadygoddess

    She sounds like a little cheerleader trying out for a school musical. I WOULD like to think she’s just adorable, but then I remember the mess she’s related to and just can’t stand another slutty meltdown from some over-hyped stripper girl.

  10. Rocky

    After having seen Les Miserables four times, I know the song well. When it is performed onstage by professional singers, it’s spectacular.

    However, Ali has neither the range nor the strength in voice to carry this kind of tune.

    More importantly, she has literally doomed any chance of becoming successful by aligning herself with her cousin. Being related to Spears was something she should have kept under lock and key.

    My advice to her would be to shelve her career plans and tryout for American Idol.

  11. Ari

    Egad! Her version was almost as painful as hearing Debbie (and yes—I still write “Debbie” instead of “Deborah”) Gibson, which I had the misfortune of hearing live several years ago. Neither has the range needed to sing Eponine’s role.

    I will say however, that with intensive voice coaching and singing lessons from a true artist, she might just be good enough to do back-up tracks for “Kidz Bop”.

  12. peachpie

    Persistant Cat — you are correct. #3 is, well, stupifying. i believe the comparison you’re searching for is: Xena meeting…Beyonce. good gawd, what a mess-in-the-making.

  13. Clovis

    She needs a copy editor and a voice coach whose name isn’t Britney, for starters. Egad.

  14. iren33

    This woman is just crazy.Does she really think she can be a singer? Oh. My. Good! I hope I NEVER will see her anymore!

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