A Typical Saturday Night For Britney Spears

December 24th, 2007 // 20 Comments

Earlier, we posted footage of Britney Spears’ wackass Saturday night activities. Here’s a handy checklist of the goings-on. A scorecard if you will.

- Britney leaves he gated community and heads straight for a gas station bathroom. While there, she freaks out on her cell to her bff forever Sam lufti. Apparently, Sammy Boy isn’t pulling his scrub weight because she sounds over it. She then calls a recording studio to book some time and says “I need a f**ing studio now. Don’t tell me you don’t know who I am. F*** you. I need it now, not tomorrow!”

- Britney visits two more gas station toilets within the next hour, while kidnapping a pap named Phillipe to ride around in the backseat with her and her assistant. I hope Phillipe had a crash helmet and a Taser. Why doesn’t she get tinted windows so she can do her drugs without having to stop at dirty gas station bathrooms?
While driving around Phillipe, she continually runs red lights.

- Crazyface pulls into a restaurant so she can go inside and change her clothes. She puts on a red outfit, so she can keep the rodeo hooker theme going. She tells Phillipe to take her to a Target (they’re closed by this time) and then tells him to call a paparazzi pal named Adnan whom she wants to do the flippy floppy with. Adnan races down. Brit gets in his car and plays with his “hat” and has her assistant follow her. Does she hang out with photogs because no one else wants to get near her.

- Britney is back with her assistant in her car when she decides to photograph a mural. See the earlier video we posted. That’s when she had her freakout and said the following: “You guys get a million pictures of me. Just let me get one for myself. No I can take it. I don’t want you to take it. Move out of the way you f***ng a***holes. You stupid f***s. I can’t see. Move! I can’t take a picture with you standing there, you m***f***rs. You’re f***ing stupid. Shut up.” Don’t mind, Britney, she’s just out back on the mood swing. Britney leaves.

- Crazyface comes back to get her camera, which she forgot? And a pap helps her get the damaged memory card out of it. Suddenly, she nice as pie and says to her beloved friends: “I love you guys. I’m just in a bad mood. It’s not like me to get mad at you.” You know she’s not actually seeing photographers. She’s seeing the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and the Lion.

- Britney then hits another public toilet, in a Walgreen’s. She then goes home and emerges dressed like a hooker who got pushed out a ten story window. She meets up with paparazzi Adnan and they hit the Peninsula Hotel where he emerges briefly close to 4 AM to get smokes and joke about how he’s doing her. He then goes back and stays til’ 10:24 AM! He then drove to Britney’s house where he hung out into late afternoon. Despite the fact that it was her day with the kids. Meet your new Daddy, kids, don’t mind the video camera!

Buckwild batshit one french fry short of a happy meal elevator not going to the penthouse answering the hot iron as a telephone talking to mannequins wallpaper licking painting one half of your face checkerboard aluminum foil hat wearing crazy. Crazy.

Photos: WENN

See more photos of Britney donning her pink wig after the jump.

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. Jen#1

    This constant reporting of Britney’s downfall, even though you all know she’s not doing well, is making you (the website) look worse than her.
    I’m beginning to feel sickened by the media
    and sad for her.

  2. d

    I don’t feel sad or sorry for her. She brings all this on herself. If she didn’t crave the attention in a completely sick way she’d stay her crazy ass home and actually take care of herself and her kids.

  3. Applespice

    I’ve noticed she wears the pink wig when she is: 1) changing extensions or 2) changing hair color.

  4. Amber

    Agreed. I used to pity Britney and really feel something terrible for her, but these days she just makes me feel sick to my stomach. She’s an attention whore, and rather than doing anything to better herself or her situation (rehab, therapy, psychiatric help anyone?), and even worse seems to not give a flying f*** about her children that she brought into this world….

    She goes out looking for this, and feeds off of it. She pretends she has friends in the Paps, and in the meantime plays the victim by them. She’s disgusting, and isn’t worth anyone’s pity.

  5. kittycatastrophe

    There comes a point in time when responsible family members have to petition the court to have someone committed as a danger to themselves and/or others. Britney’s parents have reached that moment, given her hyper-manic antics over the weekend. I hope they move to take care of their daughter since she incapable of taking care of herself.

    Merry Christmas.

  6. Jen

    Like many, I used to feel sorry for her and thought she was victimized by the paps.

    No more. She’s a scuzzy sideshow freak and I won’t be at all surprised when she mows down an innocent driver while speeding through a red light, or is found dead in some skanky motel room.

    She’s a grown woman, and her family is probably too disgusted to go through all the legal rigamarole required to have her committed. And I wouldn’t blame them if they were.

  7. Jesika

    When this comes to an end it’s going to make a good trashy movie! The problem is who the hell are they to find to play cute little Britney, pre rehab we think she’s ok now Britney and post rehab crazy Britney.

  8. I got her in the 2008 celebrity death pool. I may win double if she dies by choking on a french fry. You win triple if she dies by running herself over with her own car–I know that sounds next to impossible, but, you all know who we are talking about here. Someone better intervene and quick–she’s almost ready to board the crazy express for the last time right into the cemetery.

  9. I got her in the 2008 celebrity death pool. I may win double if she dies by choking on a french fry. You win triple if she dies by running herself over with her own car–I know that sounds next to impossible, but, you all know who we are talking about here. Someone better intervene and quick–she’s almost ready to board the crazy express for the last time right into the cemetery.

  10. k

    J. Harvey is the funniest person ALIVE!!

  11. Snowblood

    What Jesika said! Britney Spears could definitely make for a really great movie, if the right writer/director/star collaborated and it was produced with true talent, but of course the Britney Story isn’t over, yet. Either death or amazing recovery/comeback will be the end to this scintillating saga.

    Well, I don’t feel pity for Brit, never did, although sure it sucks she has to suffer so stubbornly from her extreme mental/emotional illness, but whatever.

    I just think it would be a damn wild, fun, f-ked-up crazy eternally memorable time to ever get to spend a night or so hanging out, “partying” with, and following around this living legend of CrazyPopWreckTrain Disaster, can you imagine??

    It’d be awesome; you’d never forget it that’s for sure. Wow. She is perfectly insane. Gotta love insane super-rich mega-star young crazychicks. She is endlessly entertaining with her antics, day after week after month it just gets more and more outlandish. To hell with TV and soap operas, Brit is the best in mindless daily entertainment around these days!

    But anyway, on the real I feel sorry for no bitch who rolls with 700K a month in income, spending it like mad yet never, ever tipping the bartenders/servers/valets/tattooists/bellmen/hairdressers, etcetera, by whom she gets waited on. She’s notorious for not tipping, has been for years, way pre-crazy.

    Plus, I feel sorry for NO bitch, crazy or not, who deliberately and repeatedly mangles her two baby sons’ young childhoods. Those boys are gonna have serious mommy issues when they grow up. Serious ones.

  12. Anneka

    I would just find her entertaining in a pervetred way, like social porn, if it was´nt for those poor kids. Dingdang B just created her own reality show, for the whole world to see, and she is staring, directing and producing, in Bat shit Britneyland.

  13. Hey Cupcake

    At this point, I just pray for her children to be adopted by a nice family in New Hampshire and for Britney then to run herself over post-haste with her own car (good suggestion, Tuesday). Happy holidays, (y’)all!

  14. ashes

    I have to say that it’s too bad she’s wearing that wig because her dress is actually really nice. The day she decides to dress well she has to distract us with an neon wig.

  15. PEG

    She is starting to lose it more and more. She has has always been spoiled, selfish, immature and add a big helping of “STUPID” to that mix. Plus add some possible drug use and some mental problems.

    I think all the washroom visits are probably due to the fact that she is on laxatives and diuretics to lose weight.

    I hate it when she is out late the night before on the few days she gets to see her kids. You know that the time she then spends with him is not that great because she wont have that much energy because of being up late the night before.

  16. Jennifer

    I still feel sorry for her! Hopefully she will get help one of these days…

  17. NEW RULE – Gas Station Attendants are NO LONGER allowed to give Britney the key to the restroom… Pass it on…Hmm, I wonder how many Gas Station Attendants read ASL…???

  18. Leslie

    I don’t which one of you guys wrote this but it’s hysterical!! I greatly appreciate my daily dose of humor provided by this site. Thanks!

  19. REESE

    I feel sorry for her children. Hell of a life to live with a mother who could care less about getting help and caring for them!

  20. The old provocation game is still afoot, but Britney’s stubbornly holding on to her freakness — it’s the only form of rebellion she’s got left.

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