A Pretty Sexy Pickle: Real Housewives Of Atlanta Episode Recap

Here we are again – another Monday, another RHOA episode. And FYI – if they couldn’t tell you enough during the commercials, the show is moving to Sundays at 10 p.m. ET/9 CT. This episode was a good one because of all Nene’s quips re: Phaedra. And let me just get it out of my system now: I hate Phaedra. I cannot WAIT for the reunion when everyone gangs up and goes after her. She’s just awful. Anyway, let’s get down to business, shall we?

Act I: Knit-wit Kim or Why Alliteration Is Fun

We start with Kim, who is yet again with Sweeti like the dumb dynamic duo that they are where they are trying to break into Kandi’s place so that Kim can appear on Kandi’s ‘Kandi Koated Nights’ – and yes, I’m just assuming they are all spelled with a ‘K.’ I also love that they get down to business with beef curtains – which I LURVE! Thank goodness that they totally get into the Big Poppa mess and we again see Kim avoid the obvious that she’s a whore who is with a married man who, by the way, has no intention of leaving his wife.

Then we are back with Nene at the doctor’s office where she sees her new nose and the big reveal is there. And then of course she has to get all nakey for the doctor to check up on her surgery and bless her for asking if she can get wine.

Cynthia comes to pick Nene up and they go out for a lunch date and she avoids being at home because Greg is there and he’s been a grouch, so she says. They go back to Cynthia’s pad and have some champagne. I also love watching women try to figure out utensils that they usually never use. Hilarious. Nene doesn’t get into details of her marriage or why it’s falling apart, but she says that the trust is absolutely out the door and while she doesn’t wanna divorce – hell, it sounds like the only way for her to be happy is to get out of the marriage.

Act II: “I’m Not Doing Bellies Anymore”

Sheree’s ‘missing’ daughter Tierra comes over to watch her brother so his momma can go get her hoe on. And invited to a friend’s house? Yeah, Doc, where the hell is your house in the ATL? Oh, Sheree is gonna be murdered this season. I am placing that prediction right now.

Phaedra is always getting her wretched makeup done and she’s getting ready for some maternity pictures. Um, the photographer’s name is Spark St. Jude? Is she from Pine Valley? BTW, she is frigh-ten-ing. Absolutely. And pictures of eating pickles? Give me a break. I’m glad that the entire pickle photoshoot has turned into a fetish video. Horrible. PS: Why get maternity photos when you have a big-ass pickle jar in front of your belly? Isn’t the point to show your belly? Duh. Hate Phaedra.

Sheree gets to the date and it made my skin crawl at how awkward the entire date was. So gross. I love that she also calls him about his body and tells him to just take his shirt off. Can I also say that I love that men who say they are gonna cook always make spaghetti? Awful. Making spaghetti does not a home-cooked meal make. Toasting to kissing? He was TOTALLY trying too hard and it was painful.

“Who does that…make me eat cookie dough off his hands?”

Act III: Sizing Up The Ladies

Finally we see Kandi interacting with her daughter, who I feel we haven’t seen at all this season. And her daughter is so over the thought of having her dad coming back into her life, and I can’t blame her. It is sad that Riley got so attached to A.J., who passed away last year.

Then we get back to Cynthia and Nene going to get a special bra fitting. I love Nene so much, especially when describing clothes as ‘not stank’ and then her comment about paying for titties to stand up on their own without a bra. Size K? That seems so crazy and unbelievably large. And Nene’s sexy dance…probably takes her back to her stripping days. Those two together and quite enjoyable.

Back to Kandi, who visits her mother – who if you don’t remember, is kind of a domineering bitch. Anyone notice the pillow behind her mom? It was monogrammed with Kim Zolciak & Kandi Burruss. Hilarious. I also can’t take these women crying and then hearing that awful For Colored Girls trailer with Janet Jackson boldly crying.

Act IV: Kim’s Daughter Is Gonna Be a Lezzer

I hope to God that Kim’s daughter is a lesbian. Because I feel she will have no clue how to deal with that. Fingers crossed. If the baseball and football chairs didn’t give you a clue, then I don’t know what would. Except maybe how she dresses, which clearly is not to impress boys.

Act V: Mother’s Day Mess Inside Your Va-Jay-Jay

Cynthia throws a Mother’s Day celebration and invites all the ladies over and of course, it gets crazy dramatic. First, I love Phaedra shitting on Cynthia’s neighborhood, then later how she can’t really come up with a definitive answer as to how pregnant she is. Um, what? Delivering a baby at six months or seven months? Wow. Just wow.

Then the dildo talk comes into play. And then they start talking about sex and putting candy or Pop Rocks or sugar in their hot pocket.When Nene fake gags, I lost my shit.

Then the shit hit the fan when Peter brought up Nene’s marriage busting up probably because she is not as sexual as she should be in her marriage. Of course, Cynthia just dies on the inside.

Act VI: Waiting To Exhale

Kandi’s mother lays down the law for Nene and tells her to get out of her shitty marriage and not waste her life, which is the most sound advice one woman could give to another in trouble.

One-Liner Of The Night Award:

“Chicks from the hood, honey, don’t even know who they pregnant by and know how far they are!” – Nene

What did you all think of the episode?

Til next week peaches…