Archive: Dec 2008

Guess The Ass

Click the photo above to find out who the celebrity ass belongs to? …

Miu von Furstenberg |

Eddie Murphy Is Ready To Soft Rock You

Oh dear lord, you should be on the phone with your agent looking for a movie that doesn’t suck or isn’t aimed at 6-year-olds. Here’s Eddie Murphy….guess where…in ST. BART’S….serenading two hoes on a yacht. Please, please, please let him be doing an acoustic version of “Party All The Time.” All it would be missing…

J. Harvey |

Bernie Madoff Takes Kevin Bacon And Kyra Sedgwick For All They’re Worth

Damn. I like these two. It’s a shame they got swindled by Bernie Madoff’s $50 billion Ponzi scheme. Bacon’s rep, Allen Eichorn, confirmed to New York Magazine, “Unfortunately, your report is true,” he wrote. He wouldn’t elaborate on whether, as we’d heard, they’d lost everything except for their checking accounts and the land they own.

Miu von Furstenberg |

Barack Obama Vacations

And he’s going to need to rest up before the transition. This country needs some fixin’. It’s what we hired you for, dude. Here’s Barack Obama enjoying his two-week stay in Hawaii before he briefly returns to Chicago before moving into the White House next month. Here he is playing golf at the Mid-Pacific Golf…

J. Harvey |

Shirtless Tennis Player Nicolas Kiefer Training For Hopman Cup

German meat can be yummy.German tennis star, Nicolas Kiefer, trains for the Hopman Cup at the State Tennis Center in Burswood, Perth. We thank him for practicing with his shirt off.

Miu von Furstenberg |

Foolish Paparazzi Risking Jessica Alba’s Wrath

These cretins better get themselves some Kevlar and a flight to Prague, because you don’t cross this grump-faced harpy. Jessica Alba and her baby donor Cash Warren were trying to leave Bardot in LA last night when the cameras caught up with them. Alba was actually smiling at the shutterbugs (she must have had some…

J. Harvey |

Beyonce Joins Every Other Celebrity In The World In St. Bart’s

Are they having some sort of youth elixir orgy down there? Simon Cowell forgiver Beyonce and husband Jay-Z are also down in St. Bart’s for the mid-holiday days. Here they are shopping at Nikki Beach. If you’re a celebrity who is NOT in St. Bart’s, you may need to switch agents. Because somethin’s wrong, kid!Inauguration

J. Harvey |

Shenae Grimes Flees To Her Homeland So She Can Get Her Drink On

I predict Shenae Grimes is going to be one to focus on for Messwatch 2009. I sense a potential Lindsay Lohan pre-vagina enthusiasm or perhaps even a Tara Reid-type slow descent. Something about her says “I’m crazy and want to turn blue after puking in your hottub, honey.” Here she is at Ralph’s in Los…

J. Harvey |

News Bites: Angelina Jolie Unable To Get Pregnant Again?

OK! is reporting that Angelina Jolie is being told by medical professionals that she should hold off on having another biological child due to complications with the birth of twins Vivienne and Knox. “Her previous pregnancies ended with emergency caesarian secions,” a source says. “She’s been told that, at the least, she should not get…

J. Harvey |

Eva Longoria Parker Works Hard For The Marriage

Eva Longoria Parker, Desperate Housewife, says that her marriage to NBA player Tony Parker is a chore that she has to attend to daily. Ok, she didn’t actually say that to Glamour, but you know she’s thinking it. She seem like the type who wants a “yes, dear” type man and might tend to throw…

J. Harvey |

Mickey Rourke Thinks Sean Penn Hates Gays

Mickey Rourke is kind of a crazy, misshapen bitch and getting nods for his acting in The Wrestler has caused him to have one of his sanity strokelets again. Both Rourke and Sean Penn are reportedly Oscar contenders for their work in Milk and The Wrestler. The monster-looking dude reportedly sent a text out to…

J. Harvey |

Cate Blanchett’s Husband Will Leave Her If She Gets Plastic Surgery

Acting empress and beautiful creature Cate Blanchett has an upcoming interview in Vanity Fair, complete with these crackling photos, and she sounds like she’s pretty much focused on the acting and finds doing interviews a bore. Who can blame her? It’s for the little people. Anyway, one thing that Blanchett reveals is that her husband…

J. Harvey |

Sarah Palin Is A Gun-Totin’ Granny

Losing Republican vice-presidential candidate and wilderness woman Sarah Palin is a grandmother. Her daughter Bristol Palin, 18,  gave birth on Saturday to Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston at 5:30 am, according to a relative. Palin shouldn’t worry, she’s still sexy despite being a granny. But assuredly still leaky in the brains area.”We think it’s wonderful,” said…

J. Harvey |

Spend New Year’s Eve With Mario Lopez

If you happen to be in New York City, and you’ve got nothing better to do, why not party with Mario Lopez at Marquee.Here’s how the event is being hyped:On New Year’s Eve, you are the star commanding your night so bid farewell to 2008 and welcome 2009 surrounded by glam, glitz and gorgeous revelers.

Miu von Furstenberg |

Katy Perry: Sullen In A Bikini

Is she sullen because she looks like the Riddler? Sometimes you can pull off a Dita Von Teese, sometimes you can’t. Here’s Katy Perry on the day after Xmas in Mexico (does anyone see their families anymore) looking like she has to move the next day or something. Cheer up, you’re in paradise. Damn! Maybe…

J. Harvey |

Tara Reid Not A Publicity Stunt For Rehab

The folks over at Promises rehab center in Malibu are pissed because Star ran a story saying they were looking to save their ailing business so they gave professional drunkpuddle Tara Reid a free ride at their facility, along with saying she didn’t have to check her bag. Sandra Bullock in 28 Days had to…

J. Harvey |

A $15 Cab Ride, From P. Diddy With Love

Hey, New York. Don’t ever say P. Diddy never did anything for you. Because he’s feeling a little generous and Ciroc vodka-happy this 2009, he wants your first cab ride of the year to be on him. Well, the first $15 of it at least (which will be mostly sitting in gridlock. Happy New Year!).The

Melissa Noble |

Donald Trump Wants Credit Where Credit Is Due

Donald Trump got his skivvies in a twist when a former “Apprentice” contestant failed to mention the show (and, er, him) on her work bio.The nerve! Rebecca Jarvis, a fourth season contestant, scored a job with CNBC and filled her bio with layers upon layers of fluffy “unimportant” drivel, but no “Apprentice” shout out.Trump wasn’t…

Melissa Noble |
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