Archive: Aug 2007

Ellen’s Over Her Job

America’s Favorite Everylezzie went on David Letterman to have a talk show host-klatch and complained (jokingly I hope) that her job is getting a little boring. She probably has a point. Not every celebrity can be fascinating. For some of these people, winning the genetic lottery is the only interesting thing about them.

J. Harvey |

To The Beat Of The Rhythm of the Night, Bitch I’ll Kick Your Ass


I’m going to date myself here but whatevs. Remember on “Facts of Life” (girl-mullet Over Our Heads but pre-Chloris Leachman-era, not girl school or Edna’s Edibles-era) when the girls won a contest to sing with DeBarge? And the song was “You Wear It Well”? And you knew Jo wanted to submerge herself…

J. Harvey |

I Need To Befriend Aniston

Jennifer Aniston is reported to be the best friend you’ll ever have. She foots the bill. All the time. And buys you gifts! You don’t need to do that, Jenny! We’d still love you if you worked at the snack counter at Tar-jhay. It’s what’s inside that counts!

“Jennifer pays for…

J. Harvey |

Ryan Reynolds Plays Three Different Characters in His Most Recent Film, All Have Great Abs

I’m not going to attempt to understand what exactly Ryan’s roles are in his new movie, “The Nines,” by John August, suffice to say that what I learned from MSNBC’s review of the film is that he plays three different characters in the film, an actor, a creator of a TV series starring…

Lisa Timmons |

Who’s Hanging in Laguna Beach?


Which couple is enjoying a trip to Laguna Beach after the jump.

Michael Prieve |

Kevin Bacon Gets One Degree Closer to Himself

No he doesn’t. Or maybe he does. Truth be told, I have no idea what I meant by that blog post title. What I do know is that these days, he’s all about promoting his new movie, “Death Sentence.” It’s a thriller about a father who witnesses his teenage son’s murder, and then…

Lisa Timmons |

Fashion Disaster of the Day: Diane Keaton


This one is obvious right? The editors weigh in after the jump.

Michael Prieve |

Ashton Kutcher Tells the Ladies How to Accessorize

I don’t think that we’re accustomed to Ashton Kutcher looking so serious to the paparazzi. For some reason, he seems to be a man on a mission, as he leads Demi through the path of photogs, leaving the set of his new film, “What Happens in Vegas.” Maybe he read about our recent…

Lisa Timmons |

Shia LaBeouf and Rihanna Together?

Seriously, this coupling defies all expected norms and makes me so happy. I love when people you wouldn’t think would even say hi to each other in the street are doing it, and doing it, and doing it well. Black girls and Jew boys should make it happen ALL the time. Does this…

J. Harvey |

Jeremy Piven Embracing His Destiny

Look at this one. Could he be any douchier? Isn’t he a little old for the California hipster deal? Why does this new role seem incredibly fitting for him? Jeremy Piven is going to play a used car salesman in his next flick. He’s going to co-star with Will Ferrell. Another irritating one.

J. Harvey |

Music in the Morning: The Bees – “Listening Man”

The Bees are an English indie band that make vaguely 60’s rock-jazz-sounding music. I absolutely adore the song and the accompanying video–I hope you’ll like it too.


Fergie Does Lovely Lady Handbags

Is there anything this woman isn’t selling? Between plugging products in her song lyrics and selling albums, Fergie is now hawking a line of purses. The pop star is partnering up with Kipling USA and the two are launching the “Fergie for Kipling” line of purses for the autumn 2007 and spring 2008…

Lisa Timmons |

Miss Teen USA Contestant Lauren Caitlin Upton Talks Geography

Miss Teen USA contestant Lauren Caitlin Upton finally explains her incoherent response to a pageant question about geographic illiteracy.

“Personally, my friends and I, we know exactly where the United States is on our map,” Upton said. “We don’t know anyone else who doesn’t, and if the statistics are correct, I believe…

Michael Prieve |

Whitney Vs. Bobby–Who is the Less Irresponsible Parent?

The custody battle between Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston over their fourteen-year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina, appeared to have reignited, with Bobby claiming that he was giving so much money to his wife, in order to help support her and his daughter during Whitney’s stay in rehab, that he was forced to live out…

Lisa Timmons |

Bullet Bypasses Beyonce

Beyonce Unhurt After Stray Bullet Miraculously Hits Passerby Instead

Looks like the Onion News Network is getting all TMZish on us with this breaking Beyonce news report:

Tragedy was narrowly averted when a stray bullet bound for singer Beyonce thankfully struck and became lodged in a passerby.

Our thoughts and prayers…

Wayne Ford |

“Grey’s Anatomy” Chick Has Her Own Show So She Needs To Tell Inane Stories To Try And Get Us To Watch It

Kate Walsh’s character, Dr. Addison Forbes, has graduated from “Grey’s Anatomy” to her own show “Private Practice”. What was she like on “Grey’s”? Is her character interesting? Because the following story isn’t. She’s getting married and she didn’t like her bar. I’m not sure i even need to put some text in block…

J. Harvey |

An International Sex Symbol and a Hip-Hop Star

Which international sex symbol had to return to her own country to terminate a pregnancy that was the result of a brief fling with a U.S. hip-hop titan? (Gatecrasher)

Which wealthy bachelor who was living at the Peninsula got a pretty concierge at the hotel fired when her bosses found out…

Michael Prieve |

ASL’s Letter From The Editor, Lisa Timmons

A lot has happened since my last letter to you guys. I returned from a trip to Texas, immediately packed up my apartment and moved everything into my new place and handed over my keys to the first apartment in which I’d ever lived by myself. Yes, we’re talking milestones here, people. However,…

Lisa Timmons |

Lindsay Gets Down On Toilet


Reports say that Lohan was so “oh my god, gross me out!” about having to clean the bathrooms at rehab that she decided to f*ck in the stall to make it even dirtier. Does her rehab also cover her sex addiction? All this biddy likes to do is get high and entertain…

J. Harvey |
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